dimanche 10 juillet 2011

Hey Blogger.

Not posted for a whilst.

Waddup big shit. I'm full blown bulimic, have my 'anorexic' (less than 200 cal ) days.

I weigh 46 kg, bitches. My bmi is unhealthy and my doctor and parents are worried.

Oh, and i fucking cut now. That's new. So basically, i haven't weighed this much since i was fucking twelve, yet i feel extroadinarily fat.
Fat stomach.
Love handles.
Wobbly thighs.

withhhh scars to match my arms. Wooh. SEXY OR WHAT?

New ugw, 45 kgs. Which is hard seing lately i b/p on EVERYFUCKINGTHING.
Oh, and my big sister is back from university. She use to be fat. and now , she's supermodel ish. LOVEMYLIFETOBITS.

lundi 14 février 2011


Just no.
Ashamed? oh yeah.
Pathetic? yes.
lame? yes
Anorexic? NO.
Bulimic? maybe.
Stupid? yes.

This blog. is. a . display. of . a rational, mind, that was fucked up and turned STUPID by society.

It'll never be completely repared. I will be 47 kg. I don't know how yet, but not this way. I will not follow the masses of red/blue bracelet skeletons. Both the mononeurotic ones and the truly mentally ill ones.

I will not be a regzig, Kate moss, Nicole Richie groupie.

And i will not depend on the internet to help me.

Exept for one thing.


click it. now.

mercredi 9 février 2011

Honest (s)crap, new layout, new view on ED.

Toyed with layout. I don't think i like it , but i'm too lazy to change it back. You guys prefer the old one?

Anyhow. I received the Honest Scrap from MLS last week, i believe... so here goes, ten things you probably do not know about me.

1.I dislike Ana Regzig. Even though i've read her blog three-four times, i can't help but dislike her.

2. I can't say i'm a drummer, but i play the drums. I have a phobia with playing in front of people though, which has screwed my 5 years of drum playing so badly, i even lied/refused to go into a band. I wish i played the piano or the violin.

3. I can't say i'm an artist/drawer either, but i like to doodle some crap. However i positively HATE people who brag about drawing well ( you know the kind... post some bad/recopied mangas/dramqueen stuff on facebook and name the album ' my art'... Bullshit.), and my doodles often have ED references, so i tend to keep them private. I don't mind showing a thing or two when asked, but my drawing pads are kept hidden.

4.  I hate dramaqueens. The type of girls that write love poems in class and don't have the dignity to hide it, draw broken hearts with stupid music lyrics all over them and label them as 'art'.


6.I don't drink at parties. Mainly because i'm scared i'll break down and reveal my ED to some people if i get drunk, and also because i don't eat enough, so i would get drunk really easily. And because of the disgusting number of calories.

7. I can write in mirror language, and number language. As in i could be typing this in numbers as fast as letters, with A = 1.

8. I've never had a boyfriend. A few guys have liked me and asked me out, i've just never been interested. I don't feel like i need one, however i admit i lie to most people and tell them i've been dated guys during the holidays, which i confess is completely pathetic of me.

9. I'm a bit of a flirt. I like having contact with boys, i'm a big fan of spooning but can't stand hand-holding. The only reason why i'd consider drinking is to flirt carelessly. I like to play with their feelings because i have been played with before. (no regrets, just lesson learned.)

10. I'm scared of posting drawings because i admit i'm paranoid people will steal my ideas/designs/style even though they're not that original. When i get to 50 followers, i will post a self portrait of my mind.

I nominate my first follower, Amélie. And i hope she's doing well. And the strangest, most intriguing of them all , gauntvisage.

 I have decided that i do not have an Eating Disorder. Just weird eating  habits and a desire to be  skinny. i'll stop when i'm thin. I'm not sick, the rest of the world just stuffs its face then says i'm weird because i have an apple for lunch instead of fries and steak.
who doesn't have that?